OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
