East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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