I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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