Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
