wrigley field is MILF paradise
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I looked at my own cervix.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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