Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
