for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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