Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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