I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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