Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im holly from the hills drunk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
