the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
