My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
