wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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