"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
