3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
