If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
