how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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