Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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