I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
