did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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