Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
