Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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