someone threw a dead crab at me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
