Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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