The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize