enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
