i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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