Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
