So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
