I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we're so committed to being not committed
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