I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
