I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
