Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
