...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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