I will die if light touches me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
COCAINE IS GR8
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