He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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