saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
