Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
