3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
