He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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