Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
