he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
