So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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