Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sobbing to NWA
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
