My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You have to summon your inner elephant
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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