I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
