twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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