I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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