I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
