Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
