I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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