That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
