tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
