if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
