Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
