Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
