my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
