my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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