I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
