Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
