oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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